Congratulations on bringing home the new BabyTM. We welcome you to the global fraternity of BabyTM owners who believe in giving their families nothing but the best. You will be proud to know that a BabyTM finds a new home in some part of the world every second. It is a first-of-its-kind cooling bawling machine, powered by the most innovative technology biology known to mankind.
To familiarise you with your sparkling new BabyTM, we have highlighted essential operating instructions. We hope your BabyTM provides you uninterrupted, lifelong service happiness. If you have previously operated a similar product, read no further.
Please preserve the birth certificate and ensure that it is duly stamped. Strictly follow the instructions given below. Head side up. Handle with care.
Place the BabyTM on a clean, dry surface. Inspect your BabyTM to make sure it has arrived safely at your home. It should have 4 tiny projecting parts, 2 visual and two auditory sensors, and a downy surface on its head provided specifically for your nuzzling pleasure.
Wipe all exposed surfaces with a soft, damp cloth. Your BabyTM is now ready for use.
Install your BabyTM in a crib. Do not place it in a confined space such as a bookcase. For best results, we advise maximum skin-on-skin contact with your BabyTM. Protect your BabyTM from excessive heat and cold. Avoid exposure to rain and snow. Keep out of direct sunlight.
Your BabyTM is a heat-losing device. Please keep it fully wrapped at all times. For cleaning purposes, use warm, soapy water. Towel immediately. Wash separately. Dry in shade.
To increase their sense of ownership, most BabyTM owners assign a name to their BabyTM.We have no specific recommendations regarding your choice of the same.
Your BabyTM has been set to the default 'Cute' mode. However, it also boasts of two other modes: 'Asleep' and 'Crying'. Initially, you will have no control over which mode is operational. Tip: Gently rocking your baby switches on the 'Asleep' mode. Warning: There is no snooze button to turn off the 'Crying' mode.
At regular intervals, your BabyTM will issue an alarm. This indicates that it needs to be re-powered. It automatically switches off feeding when its storage tank stomach is full. A post-feed nap indicates normal functioning. At unpredictable intervals, your BabyTM will disgorge the raw products it has processed. This will emit a smell. Keeping cut lemon will help reduce the odour. If this appliance produces any other unusual sound or smell, please contact your nearest licensed dealer doctor.
When it reaches full pressure, your BabyTM will emit a stream of its lubricating fluids. We have no suggestions for what to do with the waste water.
This product is not designed for use with pacifiers and formula feeds. Do not place or drop objects (like other BabiesTM) on your BabyTM. If you are travelling with your BabyTM, carry it as hand luggage. Warning: Do not check it in as baggage.
If you are simultaneously operating more than one BabyTM, do not hesitate to approach BabyTM Help. It is available 24/7, is easily accessible, gives efficient answers and provides the right tools and step-by-step instructions to fix your problems at the earliest. To contact Help, call your parents.
BabiesTM once born will not be taken back. BabiesTM brought home are non-transferable. No exchange is permitted.
The manufacturer is responsible for the BabyTM in all respects.
But you see, the manufacturer is you.